10.Dealing with disputes

From time to time during our daily lives we disagree with the way someone treats us, perhaps feeling it is unfair or plain wrong. Family disputes are usually resolved by discussion between the parties concerned. At a neighbourhood level, disputes can also be resolved by direct discussion, although sometimes this proves impossible. At a business or government level, there may be limited opportunities for personal discussion or it may even be inappropriate. Whoever the dispute involves, if it can't be dealt with directly between the parties, there may be a formal method for dealing with the matter.

Direct negotiation is almost always the best way to start and complying with a few general principles can often help resolve matters quickly and easily. First and foremost, try to avoid seeing the other person as an adversary. You are more likely to achieve a solution if you can state calmly and politely what it is you object to and why. Make it clear that you are asking the other person to help you with a problem. You need cooperation, and being aggressive only invites similar hostility in the person you are dealing with.

Reasonableness doesn't mean you shouldn't be firm. If you are sure you are right and your complaint is worth pursuing then you should insist that it is dealt with. An approach that often works if you are being fobbed off is to say something like, 'but that still doesn't get over my difficulty about (whatever it is). What do you suggest I do now?'

Be honest. Exaggerating your complaint only raises doubts about your credibility and makes it easy for the other person to reject everything you say.

Except in minor matters it is almost always worth trying to deal with the other person face-to-face rather than over the telephone. If you can't arrange a personal appointment and the phone is the best option, always work out what you want to say and have any supporting documents at hand. Make a note of the conversation and, if appropriate, confirm the conversation in writing. A letter doesn't need to be long and complex.

If a dispute you arew involved in goes to Court, you need to be aware that there are very strict rules that apply regarding the manner in which the dispute will be resolved. As noted above, in every day life, we are accustomed to using techniques to settle or resolve disputes. Although there are no strict rules governing this largely intuitive process, normally views are exchanged in the anticipation that the most persuasive will prevail.

In a Court room situation, the normal cultural and social practices that apply in everyday life concerning dispute resolution do not always apply. Legal rules, known as rules of evidence dictate matters such as who can give evidence (i.e. who can speak in Court), the order in which people can speak and most importantly what they can say. The rules are often counter-intuitive. For example, in Court you may be prevented from saying that the reason you know the person you are suing is in the wrong is because another person saw him or her do something wrong or because he or she has committed similar wrongs in the past.

If your matter does go to Court or you think it might end up in Court, it is sound practice to keep written notes of communications you have with the other person and where relevant take photographs of relevant transactions or incidents. Preparation is important. To this end, get legal advice as soon as you believe there is a realistic chance that an important dispute you are involved in cannot be resolved via any other process.